did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
