His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
