I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
