im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
