everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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