If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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