Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
