i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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