It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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