If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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