guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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