Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
