i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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