He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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