I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
