we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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