Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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