She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
there is puke in my bra ... again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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