my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize