And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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