Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
