Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
