Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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