Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize