You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
