I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
