I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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