I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
