With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
