I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
