I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
