guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
