didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
