I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
