When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
