We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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