I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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