Me too!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize