I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
