One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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