but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
