once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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