It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize