im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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