so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
