dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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