if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
