if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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