a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
