what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
