How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
