We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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