cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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