just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
