Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didn't notice because vodka
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
