Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
