If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
