my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
