I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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