We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
