idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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