I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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