oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
