I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
