the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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