That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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