She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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