I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
