I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
