Duck Duck Cougar?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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