She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
