i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
