i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
