if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
