I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
