Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
