hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
