Sry I called you an 8
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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