Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
