Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
