Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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