Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
